Ma Broke Her Hip

On Friday morning around 2 a.m. Ma snuck out of the house and got as far as the green mailbox across the street before she fell and broke her hip. My next door neighbor knew where she lived so she rang the doorbell. A woman I had never seen before scooped Ma up and brought her into the house. I realized how much damage she had done to herself and called the EMS. As usual they loved her and promised to take good care of her. I had to stay behind because under Massachusetts Law Joel was too young to stay home alone. So I packed him up and off we went to my sister's house. I woke her and sent Joel in while telling her about Ma. She said that she would relieve me at the hospital after she got dressed. I drove off wondering how bad her hip was this time.

I loathe hospitals. I am nervous and agitated whenever I am in one. Sick people scare me and I am a terrible nurse. So, I arrived at the hospital only to find out that she just got there and they were assessing her. That meant I had to sit out among the sick and the angry. My sister arrived and thankfully, I was able to go home. I had just started work and would not be able to take the day off.

Ma had to have surgery. This is the first time she had ever had to have surgery in her life. We were very concerned about the anesthesia. Ma has an extremely low tolerance for drugs. The strongest thing she can have is maybe Tylenol extra strength and that can make her sleepy. We were concerned that the anesthesia would kill her. Surgery went well now it is time for her to heal. One of the nurses had an old cantankerous mother at his home and was very supportive. Ma hits everybody. The sad and funny thing is that there is nothing we can do about it. Her fighting to me though means that she is going to be alright. It's that Narcisse blood. That stuff should be bottled.

Two hellish months later:

It helps that she is a Narcisse. They live a long time and "can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'".
She is now home being Ma. Thanks for the prayers and well wishes!

Ma's "School"

My mother attends adult day care. She relates to it as school. Even with her dementia she still loves learning, so the learning/memory games they play at her school pique her interest and keeps her brain sharp. Ma is a born missionary so now her school includes Bible Study too. One of the things that she is not so good with is being pushed around. Ma is from that group of folks who promote the "don't start nothing and there won't be nothing" philosophy. So she was booted out of her school because she was fighting. We were not surprised just aggravated. She weighs about 98 pounds, she is about 4 feet tall and you could push her over with one finger. However, she becomes Muhammad Ali when she feels pushed around so she strikes the boxer's pose and has a mean left hook. Alas, she punched a health worker in the eye and was asked to leave the program unless we drug her. We refused because drugging her would not help her…just them. They are the professionals and we believe that they should have handled her better.

Ma has dementia. She is 94 years old. When she is lucid she is smart as a whip (that's really the problem) and takes no crap off of anyone including me. She can be childlike with imaginary friends and invented additional family members, as if we need more. We have prevented her from cooking because she forgets what she is doing and abandons it, plus her vision is bad. She runs away from home believe me that can scare the heck out of the care giver. My nephew Pete still has not forgiven her for running away on his watch. She ran away on my watch thee times once successfully. Ma ran away from my sister's house but returned on her own...my brother-in-law was impressed. Having a secure, safe place for her during the day with a caring staff is imperative for our peace of mind.

Last week she had her geriatric psych screening and Ma being Ma charmed them. Her geriatric doctor said that nothing was wrong with Ma...it was the caregivers. Of course being a caregiver I knew it included me too and rightly so. I have found that I have inherited her stubborn streak and do really individualize care...I see a mission and move towards it regardless of what others want or need because it is efficient. I am trying hard to change that. Ma loves drama. I do not. So, we are working our way through that little detail. Mean while the goal is to get Ma to use other non-violent means to let people know when she is displeased.

Now, as we venture to enroll Ma into a new "school" I hope that they keep in mind that we are entrusting them with our family jewel even if she does have a good right hook too. She deserves to be treated with dignity and care and not abandoned her when her illness causes "trouble." That would be the professional thing to do.